Diary of a Lieutenant

I looked down at my feet. For the first time in years, I let tears out of my eyes, hoping that my pain could get off with them as well. But, anyway, I knew I wouldn´t forget it so easily. And deep inside of me, I didn´t want to forget. How could I let myself forget it? How could I let it slip out of my memory like it had never happened? I couldn’t. It was unfair. After all he had done for me…
“In recognition of your courage, bravery and honor; on behalf of your country I give you this medal in deep gratitude for your success in battle”. I couldn’t get those words out of my head. Mostly, because I knew it was a lie.
Fortunately (or unfortunately, I can’t decide), I was the only person who knew it. While we were on that dirty lockup in that dirty village, while the other soldiers, totally hopeless about our situation, were having some rest for the next exhausting hard labor day, Mike told me his idea of how we could get out of that hideous cage.
He thought that, with the death of the captain, being me the next person on the hierarchy line, the group would accept better to be given orders by me. I told him it was unfair, but he wouldn’t listen.
Back to the cage, what he told me was not that bad. We could use a walkie-talkie that Harry carried with him to communicate with the other group, (that, by the way, might be dead by now), some branches and a cable that was on the floor of the cage to build a transmitter and send some signals to base. With a bit of luck, if they understood, they could deduce our position and send a rescue team. It seemed simple, but it was far to be like that.
According to my calculations, we had no more than two hours before the guard came to take us out. We had a half an hour delay building the device and when we finally sent our signals, we had no answer. When we were trying to send it again, the guard surprisingly came down to the basement and saw us. He immediately opened the cage, but I didn’t waste the opportunity. I punched him until he fainted (and maybe a little bit more) and we could get out of that bloody hut.
The signals we sent to base meant the coordinates of a wasteland a mile away from there. We calculated that reinforcements would arrive in half an hour, so we’d better get to walk. When we were finally there, we all whispered as we saw the helicopter rounding the area.
But while it was localizing us and getting down, enemy was coming closer and some shooting could be heard. Suddenly, Harry got hurt and some of us got to cover him while Mike and the others defended the area.
The helicopter finally landed. We were running towards it when something stopped me. Mike was on the ground, barely moving his head to watch us and ask for help. So, I immediately ran to him, but in the way, a bullet hit me on my knee and I fell, too. I could feel some hands taking me back to the helicopter; while Mike shouted desperately for help and I couldn’t do anything but shout his name until I fainted.
That was the image in my head while I looked at the medal.
“In recognition of your courage, bravery and honor…” What a lie.
I was supposed to lead the group, and the only thing I did was get nervous while the person who was supposed to be following my orders, was thinking about a solution. I let him defend the position, knowing that he was no better at shooting than me, while I did nothing, watching how Harry was healed, knowing that Mike was far better doctor than me or anybody else. I had to be the one who died and Mike who lived to get a medal of honor.
I couldn’t resist any more. With a scream that I would never thought that I could emit, I threw the medal to the river, where nobody could find it. If it wasn’t Mike´s, then nobody else deserved to have it.
Nobody else.


Category B
Pen name: JOHN